Last Resort
by Z-L.B
Summary: WARNINGS!Self mutilation, suicide attempt, some light swearing and lightly graphic descriptions Sometime the things you hate most about a person can become sins of your own. Full summery inside.
1. Downward Spiral Where Do I Begin

**Disclaimer- I do not own Harry Potter characters or settings, they belong to JK Rowling. Nor do I own the Lyrics I'm using as titles and place separations They belong to Papa Roach. I make no money off of this and do it simply for personal enjoyment. **

_**WARNINGS! **_**– Self mutilation, suicide attempt, some light swearing and lightly graphic descriptions. **

**Summery – Sometime the things you hate most about a person can become sins of your own. The golden trio has had enough! Besides it was just a small prank, no harm was intended. Unfortunately their badly timed revenge has drastic repercussions. And Hermione learns, sometime bullies can bleed too…**

**A/N- Ok, here it is… My first HP story! Dun,dun,DUN! I would like to thank my beta the wonderful ****Dramionelurver for giving this a good polishing up. This story was inspired by two songs, ****Breaking the Habit - Linkin Park**** and ****Last Resort - Papa Roach**** This fic is written and it will have a sequel. **

**Last Resort - By ZLB**

**Downward Spiral Where Do I Begin**

Draco crept out of his room, sticking quietly to the shadows as he made his way a few doors down. Not that he really had to worry about being seen by anyone but a house elf at this point; both his parents were busy with their 'guests' and this floor was warded against anyone who was not of the Malfoy family or escorted by someone who was. Still, it was the idea behind it. In the new room, he would find a passage that would take him to the extra study on the next floor down. From there, he would sneak into the linen closet on that floor, then to the passage that will take him to an old room currently used for storage.

Now, THAT room held another passage that would lead him to his destination: the personal library in his father's private study. Yes, Draco knew all the passage ways of the manor. Even, he thought, some his father did not know of, including this one. After all, it lacked the protective wards placed on so many of them. Ever since he could walk, Draco had explored the manor. With no siblings to keep him company, outside of the mandatory etiquette lessons and such, he was usually left in the care of house elves. Before long, he discovered that they were hopelessly easy to manipulate, letting him do whatever he wanted. Hell, some elves had been the ones to show him some of these passage ways in the effort to keep him happy. At a young age, he became determined to know them all. This was his world; for the first nine years of his life, he was invisible to his parents when not under their instruction or put on display for social engagements. Anything he knew of his parents was learned from sneaking his way around these passage ways and eavesdropping on their lives.

Then he turned ten. All of the sudden, it was like his father woke up and realized he existed. Suddenly, his father made time to spend with him and teach him what meant to be a Malfoy. Like the starved for attention child he was, he ate it up, trying desperately to be everything his father wanted of him and never questioning the things he was taught. But, he still spied on his parents. It was during one of these spy sessions that he had first heard the name Harry Potter. His father seemed to have a small obsession with him, something that caused jealousy to burn deep in Draco's belly. Immediately he wondered who this boy was that his father obsessed over in his own time. Time that should have been his.

With his first year at Hogwarts, Draco's life drastically changed. He met this time-stealing Harry Potter, and after being snubbed by him, the other boy became his obsession for another reason. Draco set out to prove this boy unworthy of his father's focus. Unfortunately, with every failed attempt, his own father would look at him with dissatisfaction. As Draco's hate for Harry Potter grew, he then started repeating the acidic words of his father about the type of people Potter called friends, not because he believed them, but because they angered Potter and those who dare share the opinion that he was better than Draco.

Things changed at home, too. By his second year, his father actively encouraged his engagement of Harry Potter, but now at a price. Failure was met with punishment and by third year that would extend to Potter's friends as well. So with every snitch Potter would catch before Draco, every subject Hermione would excel over Draco's own top marks, hell, even with as something as petty as one of the Weasley brats getting a prank over on him or one of his fellow Slytherins, his failure equated punishment by his father. Afterwards, his father demanded him to be stronger, smarter. To be otherwise was a constant disgrace his father would not tolerate. And slowly, the man he wanted so desperately to impress became someone he feared. Still, Draco would echo his father's words, but it became an act done out of fear of the retributions of even thinking any other way.

Then, when things didn't seem to be able to get worse, HE returned. He was supposed to be dead, but he came back. With him, his father lost what little humanity he had left. At times, his father would take out his master's displeasure on him. Nothing visible, but then again they were wizards; some scars can't be seen with the eyes. Now Draco's spying was more than childish game of wanting to know too distant parents: it was an act of survival. It let him know when to make himself scarce, to get stories straight before confrontation, to know when the storm was coming.

Draco made his way into the library part of his Father's personal study. The study itself was a rather large room with books and artifacts on display all around. At one end, stood a huge, intimidating solid oak desk with a large, high back, black leather chair that almost resembled a throne. Behind that was a set of stairs that led to a loft that held his father's personal library, where Draco was hidden. He crept from the back stacks where the passage way was concealed and crept to the stairs, where he could see over its rail separation into the Study. As long as he kept to the shadows, no one should notice him. Below, the noise of conversation already sounded. Of the six or seven robed figures with white masks, only some of the voices did he recognize. Why they bothered with the masks, he did not understand, but then again, this was a select few. His father referred to them as the Inner Circle . They were The Dark Lord's most trusted followers. At a regular meeting, they would also have charms disguising their voices. These were the only ones who actually knew who was behind all the masks. So again, them wearing their own made no sense to him. Of course, he couldn't make sense of a lot of his father's ideas lately, not if he truly took the time to think for himself. Still, he was ever stupid enough to question his father; he might as well curse himself at that point.

Then HE began to speak. Even his voice could only be described as oily slimy that made Draco's skin crawl as he spoke with a hiss that made him even more grotesque. Luckily, his hooded robe meant Draco didn't have to look upon him. Even from behind, it was an unnerving sight, he recalled, remembering the first time being faced with a creature of unnaturally white, hairless, lizard-like skin. He had seen the Dark Lord's face once before when he had first returned. At the time, he had stayed in the manor for a week before relocating wherever it was he went when he left the place. But in that week, Draco's common sense told him to avoid the man at all costs. That was, until his father summoned him and he was forced to look upon the man whose face was a cross between human and snake. Draco wanted nothing more than to turn and run, but had been frozen in place. Red eyes bore into his, pressure and dull pain rang through his head, and then he was dismissed. Draco paused at the doorway long enough to hear the man tell his father of Draco's doubts in him.

When his father sent for him, he ran. He knew deep down that he wouldn't get away, but something inside him still drove him to flee. He got as far as the back of the east garden when he heard his father's voice. It was not a shout as much as a loud toned demand for Draco to return. Instead, Draco ran into the woods that made up the back eastern side of the property. His father would pursue him there. It seemed that no matter how fast he ran, he couldn't loose the man. His father did not run after him but somehow still kept up; how was that possible? In his panic, he tripped over something and twisted his ankle. He tried to continue anyway, but the hot flash of pain when he put weight on it made that impossible. Stuck where he was, he hid himself in some rather thick bushes, hoping his father would pass him by. He waited and waited, straining to hear any sound of his father. Just when he was sure there was no one around, a heavy hand came down on his shoulder. He was ripped from the bush, his father's face towering over him. With a perfectly neutral expression and authoritative voice, he got lectured again on what it meant to be a Malfoy, with occasional pauses for more physical reminders of what happens when his father is disappointed. That was just for the original sin. His father let him heal for a few days, and then he received his punishment for running like a coward instead of taking his punishment like a he should have. From that day on, Draco determined two things: one, he would learn to protect his mind from such intrusion again; and two, he never wanted to look that thing in the face again, much less find himself kneeling before it.

Draco was pulled from his thoughts of disgust when the door opened and in walked a man in dark blue robes and a girl wearing a Beauxbaton uniform. Both of them had cloth bags over their heads. When the bags were pulled off, Draco did a double take. The girl could have been Potter's mudblood friend's twin. Other than the uniform, the differences were slight; this girl's eyes were a little closer together and her mouth was a bit bigger proportioned, but at a glance, she looked almost identical to Granger.

The girl was held between two Death Eaters while the man was pushed forward to face The Dark Lord, who's slick voice slithered, "Ssso What do we have here? A Muggle loving blood traitor. Your new bill you are trying to push to be passed by the Ministry is an affront to the livelihood of all pure blooded wizards!"

"B-but... it only helps muggle-born children more easily integrate into our society..."

The Dark Lord stood, shouting, "They don't need help! They need to be exterminated! It sickens me the way they worm their way into our world only to bring it to ruin with their muggle way of thinking, destroying a way of life that survived perfectly well until it became common practice to welcome the filth with open arms! No! You shall undo what you have done before the bill passes or you will regret it. And to show you the seriousness of this request, I shall make an example of your eldest daughter..."

"No! PLEASE! Not my daughter! Punish me..."

Draco did not need to see the smirk to hear it in the Dark Lord's voice when he said, "Oh no, I think this will make more of an impact than any amount of torture on your person will do..." He then turned to the person at his right. "Shadow, as host, you may take lead." Something Draco had discovered through his eavesdropping was that each of the Inner Circle had code names; the rest of the death eaters were referred to only by numbers. Shadow, Draco had learned, was his father.

"CRUCIO!" His father's voice was disguised to sound like rumbling thunder.

The girl's cries rang out as the two death eaters holding her dropped her to the floor to watch her writhe in agony. His father ended the curse and let her body just start to unknot itself before throwing the next curse.

"Igneus Cruor!" The girl's head thrown back as she screamed, her back arching back lifting her up off the ground as her flesh turned bright red. Again, he cut off the curse.

Meanwhile, the girl's father continued to plead for his daughter's life. With a nod from the Dark Lord, it became a free for all as the rest of the Inner Circle started to throw curses at the girl. Some left no traces other than her screams, which were quickly turning horse. One particularly potent scream ripped from the girl as there was a sound of tearing flesh just before blood started to flow from between her legs. At this point, her father could do nothing but vomit, tears flowing freely down his cheeks. As it was, Draco was right there with him. Draco was seconds away from vomiting himself when the Dark Lord held up his hand and they all ceased their curses.

"Now, you have a choice and I warn you this offer will only be made once. Pledge your loyalties to me and I will kill your daughter right now. Refuse to do so, and I will see to it that during these last days, or weeks if you insist, before you relent, that you will force me to do nothing to keep this from also becoming the fate of your two other daughters and son."

The man looked at his daughter, who pulled herself to her knees and was making a great effort to stop the tears and be brave, her arms wrapped tightly around her to try and stop shaking. Again, Draco was reminded of the Mudblood. He could see her doing no less in the same position, the stubborn bitch she was.

The girl's father nodded. The Dark Lord instructed him to his knees in front of him. The girl turned away, not wanting to see her father marked, her eyes lifting to the loft above. Draco knew she saw him as their eyes locked. He didn't know if she actually spoke or if he just read the words in her eyes and turned them into real sounds in his head.

"Help me... Please... save me..."

The moment was shattered by the sound of her father's cry at the pain of the marking. Draco did not wait to see what happened next; he was on his feet, rushing to the passage way. As it started to close behind him, he heard the Dark Lord's voice yell, "Avada Kadavra!"

Draco did not stop until he reached his room. He could still see her eyes and hear those deadly words. Both would haunt him for the rest of the summer. By the time he returned to Hogwarts, the nightmares had died down a bit, but there all the same.


	2. Never Realized I Was Spread Too Thin

**A/N Well I hope you enjoyed the last chapter. Here is the next one again it was polished up to a nice shine by the wonderful ****Dramionelurver. Enjoy!**

**Never Realized I Was Spread Too Thin**

Damn, Ron, he did it again. He made a big deal over nothing, leaving her feeling like _she_ was some kind of traitor. So what if she was getting letters from Victor Krum? It was none of his business anyway. He acted like Victor was a spy and she was giving away government secrets. He just made her so mad. So mad and hurt. That was the problem. Just anger she could deal with, hell, they argue enough, but angering her wasn't anything next to the hurt his attitude caused her. It was the hurt that filled her mind as she gathered her books and stormed out of the common room. She didn't want to give him the satisfaction of seeing the tears she fought to hold back as she stormed towards the library. That's when she slammed into somebody and her books fell to the ground. Such crashes had happened loads of times before, but circumstances being what they were, it was the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back, and the tears broke loose. Angrily brushing them away, she blindly groped for her books when someone over her spoke.

"Hey! Watch..." She looked up. Her eyes blurred with tears, she could still make out the unmistakable platinum blond hair of Malfoy. Great. Just what she needed. She ground the tears away so she could see the bastard clearly, knowing it was an act of suicide to give Draco Malfoy any advantage over her. When her vision cleared, she didn't believe what she saw. The boy was extremely pale, more than usual, and a look of horror claimed his face as he backed away from her. She couldn't figure out what she did to cause that look and was about to ask what his problem was he turn and ran. She looked around her, expecting to see a troll or something equally horrifying, but no, it was just her and her books. Deciding she didn't feel like contemplating Malfoy's bizarre behavior, she gathered her fallen books and continued to the library. But she couldn't help glancing back just once in the direction Malfoy ran.

*****Don't Give A Fck I cut My Arm Bleeding*****

Draco ran like there were dementors chasing him. After turning a few corners, he stopped and leaned against the wall as he tried to catch his breath. 'It was just Granger, you stupid fool!' he yelled at himself. But that was not what he saw when he looked down at the girl on the ground. Those tear-filled eyes looked up at him and he was no longer in the halls of Hogwarts, but in the library loft of his father's study. He wasn't looking down at the school know-it-all, but the face of a tortured girl on the verge of death. And like the coward he was, just as on that night, once again he ran. When away from the images, his mind insisted to replay the scene as it was. His breathing slowed, his heart stopped pounding. He closed his eyes and knocked the back of his head against the wall. He could not believe he was still being affected by this! Of all the things he'd seen, why was _this_ one bothering him so?!

On top of it all, he just made a bloody fool of himself in front of the mudblood! How this managed to slip passed his well-resurrected walls was beyond him. That girl! It was like when her eyes locked with his, they left upon him a mark that ran deep. And of all the times for these memories to resurface, why did it have to happen now, and in front of Granger?! He was going to hear about this! At least it was just the Mudblood, without her usual Potty and the Weasel to back her up. It was his word against hers... but then again, when it came to gossip, people tended to side with the gossiper over the gossipee. He just hoped this didn't get back to his father. True or not, he would be in trouble _just_ for the rumor getting started. God, he hated his life. Ironic how everyone thought it was so damn perfect. Bloody idiots. They want a perfect life, they should go bother wonder boy Potter. Draco's was the exact opposite of perfect: it was screwed up with a capitol S! The only thing he did have was money, and it wasn't his at all. It was his parents'. All he truly had was his mask, his cloak of arrogance that kept everyone away so no one could see what he really was... a scared little boy that would one day bow-down to a life he didn't want because he was too much of a coward to do otherwise.

Forgetting the library that had been his original destination, he went back to his dorm room. Taking off his outer robes and tie, leaving him in his white button down shirt and slacks, he put his robes and tie away before proceeding to open a hidden compartment of his trunk. He brought out a black cherry wood box, headed to his bed and pulled the curtains closed. He didn't have to worry about anyone bothering him. Within the Slytherin House, closed curtains were the equivalent of a do not disturb sign; it was one of those unwritten laws that if broken would have consequences very painful for the aggressor. He carefully opened the wooden box, revealing a black, crushed-velvet lining and something wrapped in black silk inside. He lifted out the black silk package and unwrapped a small, silver dagger about the size of a letter opener. The handle of the dagger was a dragon's head with diamond-chip eyes. Spread dragon wings made up the hilt, the front claws latched around the blade. The blade itself was wavy and double edged, both edges wicked sharp.

After looking at the blade for a few silent moments, he softly stroked the cool metal, careful not to cut himself. Then, he gently laid it down in the box as he undid the right cuff of his shirt and neatly folded back the cuff until his arm was exposed to the elbow. Laying the silk cloth across his lap, he held his arm over it. Gently, he picked up the blade, placing the cold silver against his skin. Closing his eyes and wetting his lips, he simply held it there a moment before drawing the blade slowly along his pale flesh. A slash of hot pain registered, followed by another as he brought the blade across his arm again and again. Finally, he stilled his hand and let the throbbing sting of the open wounds hum. He bit his lower lip as tears silently rolled down his cheeks. Not that he felt the tears; his mind was directed solely on the stinging pain. He submerged himself in it, letting every other feeling drown out.

Too soon, the spell was broken and he laid the dagger down on the silk cloth, replacing it with his wand. Pausing a moment to watch the blood trickle from the shallow cuts, he watched as the few drops that fell from the wounds hit the black silk cloth, which magically absorbed the blood, leaving no trace of it behind. Pointing his wand at the cuts and casting the healing spell, the flesh bound together, leaving nothing but fine, pale lines on his skin. For some reason, he liked his scars. When he couldn't get away to cut, sometimes it was enough to be able to run his fingers over his arm; knowing the scars of past cuts were there was somehow comforting. He cleaned the blade off on the silk cloth that again just swallowed up the blood before wrapping the cloth around the dagger and placing it back in the wooden box.

Although he started cutting himself fairly recently, only towards the end of fourth year, Draco had learned about cutting in his second year, when he and a handful of other extremely early risers in Slytherin came across a sickening sight. One of the sixth years had cut open their wrists. Of course, Snape was immediately called and they had to share the Hufflepuff's showers that morning.

Draco remembered asking a seventh year with the surname Roberts that had also come upon the scene about what had happened. The seventh year looked at him with a blank face. After a moment he responded with, "Michaels was a cutter. I guess he cut too deep this time. It happens."

Draco looked at the seventh year in horror but couldn't help asking, "Why would anyone do that?"

"It helps to have a pain you can control. I say when and how long."

Draco looked at him with wide eyes. "Do you... how do you know?"

Roberts studied him for a while before he lifted his own sleeve and removed a glamour, revealing fine scars up along his arm. "How do you think?"

Draco reached out to touch the scars but stopped when Roberts pushed his sleeve back down. Instead Draco asked, "Why?"

Roberts growled, "None of your business, Malfoy."

Draco nodded, realizing Roberts wasn't going to share anymore. He turned away to leave when a hand came down on his shoulder. "About my arm, Malfoy...." warning filled his voice.

Draco put on his best sneer. "Do I look like a Gryffindork? What you do to your body is none of my concern. Just, if you off yourself try not to affect the rest of our schedules. Last thing any Slytherin wants to see in the morning is a Hufflepuff!" As Roberts released Draco's shoulder, he nodded and the two parted ways.

The truth was, no matter how much everyone would like to believe so, it wasn't strictly the Slytherins who were cutters. They could be found in every house. In fact, Ravenclaw would most likely rival Slytherin in their numbers. Those that did were mostly upper years; it was rare to find a 3rd year or younger cut. Sadly, although rare, they were there. The Hufflepuffs probably had the smallest group. There were even some among the high and mighty Gryffindors. Each house dealt with cutters in their own way.

And in Slytherin, they had certain understandings. Why one cut was their own business: no one asked, no one told. In the time after that incident, he'd walked in on others. Later when he had started, Draco himself had been walked in on a couple of times. You didn't talk about it. The person entering would just turn and leave, nothing ever to be said. That went for non-cutters, too. They just acted like they didn't know. This wasn't something that was ever shared, at least not in this house. This was a house that knew the value of discretion and the dangers of having loose lips.

Feeling a little more balanced, he went on with his day. He didn't even spare a look at Granger when he went to the great hall for dinner. He smirked and talked and jeered people of other houses. He was in full cloaked mode. Nothing was wrong; all was well in the life of the Slytherin Ice Prince. At least, that is what everyone else saw...

**A/N I hope you liked that last installment! Please let me know by posting a review! **


	3. Would It Be Wrong, Would It Be Right

**Would It Be Wrong, Would It Be Right**

Hermione had just put the finishing touches on her essay. True, it wasn't due until Monday and it was Friday night, but like she told the boys, get it done now and she'd have nothing to do but have fun all weekend. Putting her things away, she sat back and watched the other two obviously bored students scratching away at their parchments. She was about to pull out a book and work on some extra credit when the scene from this afternoon replayed in her head. It was strange, yes, but it was also the first time she had ever seen Malfoy have such a look of fear on his face. Sure, he was scared in third year after the Hippogriff incident, but that was more drama then fear. Although no Slytherin would admit it, even on pain of death, everyone knew Hagrid would not let any true harm come to them. No matter how bumbling he seemed, he did know his creatures and how to handle them.

But in that hallway, Draco looked like he was looking on hell itself. That wasn't a normal kind of fear. That kind of fear had a story behind it. She must have started frowning in deep thought, because next thing she knew, Harry and Ron were bugging for her attention.

"What's wrong?" Harry asked.

Hermione shrugged. "Nothing really. At least, nothing that concerns me. Just a mystery, I guess you can say." She knew she used the wrong words the moment they left her lips. Sure enough, at the word 'mystery,' the boys got a spark in their eyes and leaned closer into her personal space.

"What kind of mystery?" Ron inquired.

"N-no, not mystery per say. It's just something happened in the hallway when I ran into Malfoy and..."

"Malfoy!" Ron's temper flared. "What did that git do?!"

While Ron looked ready to kill, Harry looked over her person with concern as if looking for injury. "What did he do?"

Realizing their train of thought, she shook her head empathetically. "No, no, nothing like that! We just ran into each other literally and my books fell..."

"Bloody prick probably did it on purpose!" Ron growled while Harry nodded in agreement.

Hermione shook her head again. "No, I don't think so. Well, I did at first when I looked up and saw it was him I bumped into, but then I saw the look on his face..."

"Probably smug as hell..." Ron grumbled darkly.

Hermione humphed in frustration. "Are you going to let me talk or are you going to insist on making a running commentary!"

Ron looked confused for a moment, so Harry spoke quickly for him. "We'll be quiet till you're done, right, Ron?" Harry gave Ron a look that told the other boy to just agree so they could hear the rest of Hermione's tale. Ron nodded his head.

With a deep sigh, Hermione continued. She relayed the whole story of being angry and not looking where she was going and how she bumped into Malfoy, spilling her books. She left out the part about her crying, but jumped straight to Malfoy's weird behavior.

"He was really scared?" Ron asked. "You're sure he wasn't making fun of you? Ya know 'oh, the horror! I touched a mudblood!' Cause I wouldn't put it past him!"

Hermione shook her head. "No, this was real. Just plain, raw fear. Besides, we were alone; for that to have worked, someone else would have had to be there to see it. Also, no scathing comment. I'm convinced Malfoy could be on the verge of dying and he couldn't help but take a moment to insult one of us before doing so."

Harry looked just as puzzled as she was. "Are you sure he was looking at you? Maybe something behind you?"

Again, Hermione shook her head. "I thought of that. There was nothing around me either..." Hermione got a far off look as she replayed the scene in her head. "Funny thing though. Even though he was looking towards me, he didn't seem to be looking AT me. Like instead of me, he was seeing something else. But what?"

Harry shook his head and smirked. "Well if were anyone else, I would suggest muggle drugs. But the thought of Malfoy doing anything muggle..."

Hermione laughed. "Maybe a fed up muggleborn slipped something in to his pumpkin juice..."

Harry joined in the laughter, exclaiming, "Yeah, that explains it! He was just having a bad trip!"

While they both laughed, Ron looked confused, so Harry explained about muggle drugs and some of their effects on people. Then Ron started laughing too. The three started coming up with all these weird ideas of what Malfoy saw that caused him to flee. Some of the suggestions ranged from different creatures to various teachers in a undressed state. Soon they were all rolling with laughter.

As they started to calm down, Ron thought out loud, "I wonder what Malfoy is scared of..." The other two shrugged. Ron perked up. "Hey, what about when we had that boggart in DADA? You guys remember what his fear was?"

They both shook their heads. "If I remember correctly, he stayed to the back of the line. And we had to stop early because of..." Hermione hesitated to bring up a reminder of Harry's boggart turning into a Dementor.

Harry just smiled as if to say he was over it. Ron frowned. "It's not fair. He knows what our fears are. I don't like Malfoy having that kind of advantage."

Harry nodded in agreement. Then Harry's face switched from somber to bright as an idea struck him. "Hey, you guys know where Lupin got the boggart?" The other two shook their heads. "They keep it in a trunk in the DADA storage closet. I was thinking maybe if we..."

"Harry James Potter! Tell me you're not thinking about breaking into the DADA class and releasing a boggart!" Hermione exclaimed in her best disciplinary voice.

Harry shrunk back and looked some what guilty, but before he or Hermione could say anything Ron cut in. "That's a bloody brilliant idea Harry!" Hermione turned on him but he continued, "Oh, c'mon Hermione! It's not like we're gonna leave it out to wander the castle and scare first year Hufflepuffs! We'll just take it out long enough to see what Malfoy is scared of. He was in the class like us; I'm sure he'll realize what it is and hit it with a Riddikulus. Besides, it's Malfoy, His family worships the Dark Lord! What could he possibly be scared of? A bad hair day?!"

Hermione frowned. Her disciplined side wanted to tell them both this was a bad idea, but another part of her – the part that got hurt every time Malfoy used that disgusting word on her – wanted the prat to be on the receiving end of things for once. Besides, Ron was right: when he comes from a family who has the devil as a dinner guest, what could Draco possibly fear? Being told he was a muggle born or being turned into a squib was probably on the top of his fears list. And Harry and Ron were right: they were at a disadvantage him knowing their fears and them not knowing his. Hell, how long had it been before he'd used Harry's fear of Dementors against him?

Ron and Harry could see the war going on in her head and held their breaths until she let out a sigh of defeat. Their cheers were cut short as Hermione stood with her hands on her hips.

"First there will be conditions! We have to take precautions. The boggart does not get out. We only scare Malfoy long enough to see his fear. If he doesn't figure it out to cast the spell himself, then one of us will cast it for him. And afterwards, we must make sure that the boggart gets sealed away. Lastly, and most importantly, this knowledge is only used on Malfoy if he uses our fears against us first."

Ron opened his mouth to protest but Hermione nipped that in the bud quickly, declaring, "No, Ron. To do otherwise would make us just as bad as him. I am going along with this for our protection only!"

Harry and Ron exchanged looks before they nodded and extended their hands. The three of them piled their hands and shook once in agreement.

* * *

**A/N** I hope you enjoyed this last chapter. **Please** review.


	4. Cut My Life Into Pieces

**A/N -** Yes, yet another chapter polished to a shine by my wonderful beta **Dramionelurver**, I hope you enjoy…

**Cut My Life Into Pieces**

They sent Draco an anonymous letter to lure him to the DADA room at midnight. They had gotten out the trunk containing the boggart after Hermione was kind enough to break the wards on the DADA storage room door. They then had the trunk set up in the middle of the platform on the front of the classroom that the DADA instructor used for demonstrations, the trio concealed to the side under Harry's invisibility cloak.

Hermione insisted they set up early, arguing that if she was Draco she would show up early to catch whoever it was that had sent the note off guard. As always, it was a good thing that they listened to her. Twenty minutes before midnight, the door knob on the DADA door turned, halting any whispered conversation that was going on between the three beneath the cloak. Immediately, they quietly shifted their attention and watched as a suspicious Draco eased in, looking around for signs anyone was there.

Draco crept in silently. Once inside, he whispered a soft Lumos and lit the tip of his wand, lighting the room in a feint glow as he walked around the edge of the room, luckily opposite of where the three Gryffindors were hidden. After a bit, Draco must have decided that he was alone as his shoulder relaxed a bit. Draco made his way to the front of the classroom. He was a little ways from the trunk when Harry quietly pointed his wand at the trunk and said softly, "Ostendo Mihi Intus." The trunks lid flipped open, making Draco jump in surprise. Ron let out a snicker at his reaction. Hermione threw her hand over his mouth to silence him as Draco spun around, looking for who made the noise. With his back turned, he didn't see the inky form slither out of the trunk and take the form of Lucius Malfoy.

"Draco," a familiar icy voice hissed in displeasure.

Draco spun around, wide eyes filled with astonishment. "Fa-father! What are you doing here? Why didn't you just come to the Slytherin Common Room?" The trio gasped. Malfoy was afraid of his own father? How could this be? Malfoy wanted to be the man as far as they knew.

The form of Lucius towered over him with a sneer. "Because I know, Draco... I know of your lack of faith. I know your plans... I'm greatly disappointed, Draco... He is also greatly disappointed. And I'm here to take you to him to show you just how disappointed he is." The three Gryffindors were so wrapped up in the unfolding drama that they forgot their promise to lock up the boggart right away and instead watched on.

"Bu-but... I..." Draco slowly backed up. Then a look of comprehension crossed Draco's features, followed by a flash of horror.

A cold smirk claimed Lucius' face. "Looks like you're smarter than I thought. Too bad you chose to show that intelligence too late." Draco's father raised his wand.

Draco froze, his eyes widening as his father reached for him. Finally, Hermione, realizing Draco was seriously freaked, cast the Riddikulus. As the charm hit the form of Lucius, he turned into a decrepit, old man. The lost form shifted into a black mist that retreated into the trunk that Hermione quickly shut with another quick flick of her wand.

She didn't realize until too late that in her eagerness to rid them of the fake Malfoy, she had thrown off the invisibility cloak. The moment the trunk closed, she realized what she did. At once, she braced herself for Draco to start yelling accusations and threatening her. To her great surprise, he didn't move. Hermione swallowed hard and stepped toward the blond boy.

"Malfoy?" He still didn't move. At that point, a wide eyed Ron and worried Harry stepped out from under the cloak. Hermione stepped in front of Malfoy, but he still didn't move.

"What do you think is wrong?" Harry asked. Hermione shook her head as she chewed her lower lip in worry. Draco's eyes were fixed on the spot his father had stood. Although the look of fear was still frozen on his face, his eyes were glazed over and dull of life. He looked like he was hypnotized.

Hermione was about to reach out and shake the boy when the door burst open in came McGonagall and Snape, both brandishing their wands. McGonagall quickly lit the candles in the room, flooding it with light.

"What is going on here?" she demanded.

"Potter," Snape sneered. "Of course."

Harry opened his mouth to explain, but Snape beat him to the punch. "I'm not interested in your version of the truth, Potter. Draco, what happed here?" When he received no response, his eyes finally took in Draco's appearance.

"Draco! I am spe-" He reached out and tiled Draco's chin upwards so he could look into the boy's eyes. "What in the name of Merlin is going on here?!" Snape thundered.

"Calm down, Severus..."

"Calm down?! Calm down?! The boy is catatonic. He's in such a state of fear that he submerged into his own mind!" He turned to McGonagall. "I told you that letting him do as he pleased would turn him into his father! Now look what he's done! It's like the past all over again!" Snape furiously hollered. "Well, I'm not going to turn a blind eye like my head of house did! Like hell I'm letting this happen again! I don't care if he is the savior of the wizarding world!"

"Severus Snape! You will stop your yelling at once!" McGonagall switched to a calmer voice. "Mr. Malfoy obviously needs medical attention Take him to Madam Pomfrey. I will take care of these three."

Snape stood there for a moment, obviously debating with himself whether or not to keep ranting. Then, he levitated Malfoy and directed him towards the door, but before he left, he spoke once more. "I warn you now. I'm not some scared kid this time around. They are to pay for their crime or I will see to it... Azkaban be damned."

The last part was muffled while he moved away from the door but McGonagall caught it anyway. If ever she regretted James and his friends getting off so easily it was now. Snape wasn't seeing it as an individual incident, but an extension of what the Marauders did to him when he was a student. And with the current situation, she really couldn't say she blamed him; this looked bad, real bad. None of the three had so much as mussed up their robes, yet Draco was in a state of extreme trauma. She closed her eyes and sighed, and then looked at the three sharply. "Explain."

Harry spoke first. "We didn't mean any harm it was just a joke we didn't know it would affect Malfoy so badly..."

Ron cut in. "We didn't think it was fair that he knew ours and we didn't know his. Bloody git already tried to use Harry's against him so it was just time..."

"Stop, what are you talking about?" McGonagall rubbed her forehead tiredly.

"Our fears... You see, Professor Lupin taught us about boggarts..."

"Wait!" McGonagall cut him off. "You didn't release a boggart on a fellow student!" She looked appalled. "A person's fears are not something to play with. The only reason the boggart is allowed in this school is it is only used under the supervision of a well-trained instructor. How did you get it out..." Her eyes landed on Hermione, who so far had been uncharacteristically quiet. In fact, the girl's eyes were firmly planted on the ground, causing her face to be obscured by her bushy hair.

McGonagall knew they weren't bad kids and whatever their reasons, they never were out to deliberately hurt Malfoy – which is more then she could honestly say about James and his friends where Snape was concerned, at least not in those end years. Truthfully, Harry and his friends just didn't have the same malicious streak in them that the Marauders had. True, she herself never viewed the Marauders as anything but mischievous teens until the incident with Snape and the shack. In that case, even she thought they got off too light, but she also knew deep down that they were good kids... 'Like you just said about Harry?' No! It wasn't the same. Harry wasn't the same. Still...

"First of all, I am extremely disappointed in all of you. Second, you will all report to the headmaster. Afterwards you will wait for me in the common room and, depending on what Dumbledore's punishment is, I may be adding to it." She was not stupid enough to take Snape's threat lightly, even if the headmaster was.

The three made their way to the headmaster's office with McGonagall leading them. They were all very quiet. Hermione kept her head down as she walked, trying hard to keep from crying. The disappointment in her head of house's voice cut like a knife, but she knew they deserved it all. She knew better; what made her think that another person's fears were less then her own? How was she to judge others and what level of fears they possessed? Hell, isn't that what she hated about Malfoy in the first place? The way he judges her? Thinks her feelings are to be considered less because of where she was born? She just acted no better than he had. What would her parents say? They hated bullies as much as Hermione did. Would they see this as bullying? She could see their disappointment clearly in her mind. Hermione bit her lip to hold back her sob as a tear rolled down her cheek.

**A/N -** I noticed I haven't been receiving many reviews. I understand the earlier chapters as there wasn't much to comment on but now that we're getting in to the main line of the story I'm hoping to hear from the readers. I just want to know what you think so far even if it's only two or three words. _Thanks_…


	5. Till It Was Too Late

**A/N –** I was so thankful for such a wonderful response to my request for reviews I decided to put this up early. Again this was cleaned up and straightened out by my wonderful beta; **Dramionelurver**.

**NOTE:** Just a quick note the beginning of this reads similar to the last chapter I assure you it is not the same. Do not skip over it! And once again I hope you enjoy!

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**Till It Was Too Late**

Draco had received a note from an anonymous person telling him they knew his secret and unless he showed up in the DADA classroom alone at midnight the whole school would know. He wasn't sure which secret they were referring to he had so many lately and not all his own thanks to the activities of dear ol' dad. However, those needed to be protected just the same. Not out of fear of what would happen to his father, but fear of what would happen to him if his father found out he was the reason things came to light.

Deciding to let a potential extortionist hold the upper-hand was not a good idea. He decided to arrive early, hoping to put the would-be blackmailer off his game. If anything, it could tell him how seriously to take this. So he silently crept into the DADA room and closed the door lightly behind him. Seeing as none of the candles were lit, he pulled out his wand a murmured a soft Lumos. Realizing whomever sent the note was not yet here, he relaxed a bit and made his way to the front of the room, intending to make himself comfortable at the teacher's desk.

He was half way there when he hear the click of the truck opening. The sudden sound and movement made him jump. He then heard what sounded like a snicker behind him, but when he turned to see who it was, he saw nothing. Then he heard an all too familiar voice say his name.

Draco spun around with wide eyes. "Fa-father! What are you doing here? Why didn't you just come to the Slytherin Common Room?"

His father looked down his nose at him. "Because I know, Draco... I know of your lack of faith. I know your plans... I'm greatly disappointed, Draco... He is also greatly disappointed. And I'm here to take you to him, to show you just how disappointed he is."

"Bu-but... I... " Draco slowly backed up. Why come here to take him? Why not send for him? The answer clicked in an instant. He would not be returning. All anyone would know is Draco one night disappeared. His father would act outraged and demand answers, but knowing he was in the clear. Wasn't it supposed to be safe at Hogwarts?

As if his father could read his mind, a cold smirk crossed his face. "Looks like you're smarter than I thought. Too bad you chose to show that intelligence too late." His father raised his wand.

Knowing the horrible things his father could do after seeing him do many of them himself, Draco's eyes widened for a moment. As if in the hope of escaping the pain he knew was coming, he dived deep into his own mind. When teaching himself Occlumency, he had come across a method of self-mind control used by strong Occlumists to protect their minds and prepare one to weather out an on-coming trauma. However, it did involve some risk and was very dangerous. If not done correctly, a person could become trapped in their own mind. Although it was something meant to be done slowly to be sure the place the mind retreated was one of comfort and safety, Draco panicked and plunged directly down into his mind as his father reached out to grab him.

Suddenly Draco was falling. Then, with a jerk, he tripped and fell on the damp, dirty forest floor. As the feel of the leafy, moss-covered earth beneath his hands and knees started to register, his nostrils were filled with the smell of wet earth, decaying leaves, and moss. He could hear the sounds of the forest around him. His teeth chattered from the chill in the air since his now-filthy robes were also damp from the moisture leftover from the light rain earlier that day. Slowly opening his eyes, he knew immediately where he was: right back in that damn forest outside the Manor. His ears heard the snap of twigs under heavy boots. His father was coming!

All the sudden, he was there, again running from his father, knowing that if he was caught... Draco shoved himself to his feet. Stumbling as he rushed forward, he tried to keep from tripping on the heavy underbrush as he moved deeper into the forest. Not that this forest was safe place to be running around but at this point, but it was safer than what awaited him in his own home.

"Draco. You can't hide from me, Draco. I will find you and you will be taught your lesson." His father voice rang out, too close for Draco's comfort as he pushed his body to move faster. His mind was beyond the fact that this was impossible, that he should still be in the DADA classroom; his mind was too consumed with the need for escape. Like a hunted animal, his instincts pushed him to run passed exhaustion. The burn of his muscles barely registered as he pushed himself harder and harder. But no matter how fast he pushed, that voice – that cold steely voice – was always just behind him. With no sign of fatigue in the man's voice, it was like he was exerting no effort keeping up with Draco, which only served to drive the boy into a greater state of panic.

*****I Was Empty Within*****

Severus rushed Draco to the Infirmary. As soon as he got there, Madam Pomfrey directed him to the nearest bed. "What is the matter with Mr Malfoy?"

Severus replied, "From what I can tell, he's in shock, having regressed into his own mind. I think he may have done it to escape whatever caused his distress."

"You mean he did this on purpose?! But how would a child know how to..." She cut off as she met Severus's look that said, 'Don't you remember who his father is?' She shook her head in frustration. "A child should have no use for that kind of knowledge." She checked him over for any physical damage. "Other than the shock to his system, which can be corrected with plenty of rest, he is physically fine. I see no sign of what could have caused him to retreat in such a way."

Severus thought for a moment before speaking, his voice heavy with restrained emotion. "He was in the DADA classroom."

Madam Pomfrey waited for him to continue, still not connecting the dots. Severus sighed in frustration. "There is a boggart kept in a trunk for practical demonstrations..." He wondered if he would have to walk her through his thoughts on what he was pretty sure happened as he vaguely remembered the trunk at the front of the classroom.

Madam Pomfrey looked shocked. "Surely the DADA professor keeps such a thing locked away!"

"Yes, well, it turns out three Gryffindors decided to not only release it, but do so on an unsuspecting Slytherin student," Snape said dryly, as if he were waiting for the oncoming denial. He was not disappointed.

"You can't be serious!"

"Why?" Severus asked heatedly. "Because they are Gryffindors? What, you think they just watched while Draco released the thing on himself?! Do you realized that no matter what it was he saw, he had to be utterly convinced of its validity to do something so extreme. But then again, he's Slytherin, he's not supposed to be human enough to feel fear, just a need to cause it!"

Now Madam Pomfrey was red with anger. "Don't you take that tone with me, Severus Snape! I know you've been through a lot and are trying to protect your Slytherins from the same thing, but that doesn't give you the right to accuse me of bias. I'll have you know I was merely shocked ANY child would be cruel enough to submit their fellow student to such a thing. I was NOT calling you a liar. As for how people view Slytherins, don't act like they don't help perpetuate such stereotypes along with everyone else, because then it is you who is being naive."

Calming down, Madam Pomfrey took a deep breath and continued. "Now, if you're done posturing, would you like to assist me with Mr. Malfoy? The only ones qualified enough with Legilimency to help him are you and Headmaster Dumbledore. Otherwise, I will have to send him to St. Mungo's for treatment."

Snape nodded, his face a stone mask of indifference. Inside though, he was smarting a bit from that dressing down. Especially when he admitted to himself he did jump to conclusions...slightly. Hell, after all the mollycoddling Gryffindors get, he couldn't help feeling a bit justified in that.

He sat so he could lean over and look Draco directly in the eyes.

"Legilimens."

Soon, he found himself in a forest. Hearing rustling behind him, he turned around as a younger Draco dashed out a set of bushes. His robes were filthy, with rips where they'd caught on low branches and bushes. His hair was a mess, his eyes wild with fear. He almost didn't notice Severus.

But as Draco's eyes landed on Severus, he let out a startled cry. He backed off, quickly looking ready to bolt again. "Draco, listen to me. Yon need to calm down. This isn't real..."

Draco shook his head. "N-no. I have to run... H-he'll catch me. He's mad... s-so mad..." Severus reached out to the boy only to have him jump out of reach. "NO! You will take me to him... I won't... He wants to kill me..."

Severus tried reasoning with him. "Why would your father want to kill you? I know your father has a temper..."

Draco let out a deranged chuckle. "Temper? Temper is yelling... or hitting a house elf with his cane. No, he has more than that. He hurts me, and not just with his cane, he uses spells too... He doesn't yell, never yells... sometimes he even smiles..."

Severus suppressed his own shutter. He knew what Draco was saying only too well. He had to hand it to Draco, the kid was a top notch actor; Severus would have never guessed. He knew Lucius was a right bastard, but he would have never guessed he was capable of this. Draco had always seemed to worship the man, now it was obvious that it had been a survival skill.

"Oh, Draco..." He always prided himself on looking out for his Slytherins, doing his best to help those who came from less than loving households, and here his own godson was amongst them and he never knew. Not that his position allowed for any close relationship between the two, but still, he should have known. He could see it a mile away in strangers, but completely missed it in his own godson. He reached for Draco again.

Draco dodged the touch. "No!"

"Draco..." Lucius' voice cut through the forest. "I'm coming Draco..."

Then it clicked, he was running. The only way to get Draco out was to end the chase. "Draco, listen... This." He gestured around them. "It's not real. That." He pointed in the direction of the voice. "Is not your father. It's all in your mind. You will never escape yourself. You have to let him catch you. It is the only way out."

Draco shook his head. "No! He'll kill me!"

"He won't, I promise. I'm right here. I'll make sure."

Draco's eyes narrowed on him. "You'll make sure?! What have you ever stopped my father from doing? You help others. I've seen you. Hell, Goyle doesn't have his nightmares anymore because of you. But what have you ever done to help me?"

"Draco... I-I didn't know." He then noticed the shape of Lucius' form behind Draco. If he could keep Draco distracted... "It's not like you ever came to me and asked for help."

Draco snorted. "And not just deal with it like a good Slytherin. How come others don't have to go to you? You just know to help them. Why couldn't you do that with me?" Draco's voice sounded hurt and angry. Right now, that was better than fear.

"Draco!" Draco spun around and came face to face with Lucius. As his father clamped a heavy hand down on his shoulder, Draco let out a blood curdling scream. Then Severus was thrown out of the boy's mind as the illusion shattered. The chase was over.

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**A/N –** I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Once again please review!


	6. Hungry Feeding On Chaos

**A/N** – This is a really long chapter as far as my chapters go. I could easily have spit it into two separate chapters. However I have enjoyed your reviews so much I decided what the heck and left it super long. I hope you enjoy it! Once again my wonderful beta **Dramionelurver** has done a wonderful job of smoothing out my rough edges for your reading pleasure!

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**Hungry Feeding On Chaos**

One moment Draco was standing in a forest, staring into cold steely gray eyes, and then next he was on his back, staring into a pair of worried obsidian ones. Draco shot up as Severus pulled back. Draco quickly looked around as he realized he was in the infirmary. And all of the sudden the reality of what happened came flooding back. He must have gotten stuck like the book warned about, and instead of getting stuck in a safe place, he got stuck in his fear. His hand ran through his hair as his eyes darted back and forth, his mind trying to piece together the facts. He looked at Severus. "My father... He was here in DADA classroom."

Severus shook his head. "It was a boggart."

Draco wasn't sure how to take this new information. "I don't suppose it being there was an accident..." Severus raised an eyebrow as if asking if Draco was really that naive. "Didn't think so... Do you know who?"

Severus nodded. "The three angels of Gryffindor themselves," Snape sneered, contempt dripping from his voice.

Draco's face was a perfect mask of indifference. Was it any wonder Severus didn't see anything wrong? This child was too well trained in the art of hiding. Well beyond anything even Severus was at his age. The burn was that his mask was so good that until you knew it was there, you didn't see it. Hell, only yesterday if someone had asked anyone how well Draco hid his emotions, they would have told you there was not a feeling that went through the boy that he did not blatantly express, unaware as they were that Draco's extreme emotional reactions to things was part of his elaborate mask. He let people think Potter and his friends easily got to him so he could use their confrontations as an outlet for all the stored away anger he had. And he had a lot, as that was how he dealt with things: he took all his hurt and fear, turned it to anger, and then released it on the golden trio. After all, they were the perfect target. His own father would be convinced of his loyalties and he had nothing to fear. The golden trio was too 'moral' to ever be a danger to him, or so he thought. Now, he wasn't so sure.

Severus cleared his throat as if to remind Draco of his presence. Draco, wanting to be alone now, gave his head of house a weak, tired smile. "I think I need to sleep. I'm tired."

Snape nodded.

"We will talk later. Would you like a potion to help you sleep? Your mind might still be prone to nightmares..."

Draco shook his head. He needed his head clear to think, so he forced a yawn forward. "If I need anything, I'll ask Madam Pomfrey."

Snape nodded. He made his way out and headed directly for the headmaster's office. He had three Gryffindors to be sure got what was coming to them.

*****No Love For Myself No Love For Another*****

Severus headed directly towards the Headmaster's office. There was no way he was going to let those little brats slide. Unfortunately, before he could get there he was stopped by McGonagall.

"We need to talk."

"Shouldn't you be standing by your golden trio?" Snape sneered.

For a moment, the woman looked like she wanted to slap Snape in the face, but then she let out a sigh and seemed very tired. It was the fatigue that got Snape's attention more than anything. So, when she spoke, he listened.

"Look, I know you're upset. You have every right to be; I'm very disappointed in them as well. And I know that when you look at them you see James and his friends, but I honestly never thought them capable of..." She shook her head sadly. "I never agreed with how lightly the headmaster let Sirius off. I should have stood up to the headmaster, but I didn't and I'm sorry for that. Maybe if I had, you would find it easier to let the past go."

Snape was shocked, to say the least, but luckily his years as a spy kept this from showing. Unsure how to respond, he first had to know one thing.

"And how were Potter and friends punished?"

"The headmaster gave them detention every Friday for the rest of the year, as well as missing their next Hogsmeade weekend. They also each have to personally apologize to Mr. Malfoy."

Snape's face grew stormy, his dark eyes filled with anger. "That's it?! They get detention and loose one lousy Hogsmeade trip?! Oh, I'm sure any apologizes they make will make all the difference in any nightmares Draco's sure to suffer from, not to mention the feeling of the violation of his own mind! Yes, I'm sure it will just make everything all right again!" Snape growled.

McGonagall raised a calming hand. "In addition to..." she began. Snape paused irritably and waited for her to continue. "Whatever punishment I decide to add. And since it is a student from your house that was attacked, I'm offering you a chance to assist me in deciding upon a proper punishment, as long as we are clear we are punishing Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, and Hermione Granger – _not_ James Potter, Sirius Black, Peter Pettigrew, and Remus Lupin."

"You mean there is a difference?" he snarled. Just as McGonagall pulled herself up to give him a piece of her mind, he cut her off. "Fine, no punishing the son for sins of the father. I understand. Believe me, this incident is bad enough by itself."

McGonagall sadly nodded. "Obviously expulsion and suspension are out of the question, as the only headmaster is allowed to do that."

Snape snorted. Then, eyeing her closely, he asked, "Well, what do suggest?" She had one chance to show how true her earlier words were.

"As much as it pains me and feels like I'm punishing the whole house, we both know there is only one thing that we can take away that will make any difference to two of them. So they are both suspended from the Qudditch team for the rest of the year. In turn, Hermione will loose her restricted section privileges for the rest of the year, plus an additional Saturday detentions with Filch for the three of them. Agreed?" Snape stared at the woman in amazement. "Severus?"

Shaking his head clear, he responded, "I agree. Well, I'll leave you to deliver the news, as much as I would like to watch..." With that, Snape turned to leave. However, when only a few steps away, he stopped again. He did not turn around, and his voice was just loud enough for McGonagall to hear as he said, "Thank you." Then he continued on his way.

McGonagall allowed herself a small smile before setting her face back to disciplinarian mode as she stalked towards the Gryffindor common room where three fifth years awaited the rest of their punishment.

*****I'm Contemplating Suicide*****

Draco laid there for a long time. Well into the morning, he turned the events over in his head, only pausing long enough to fake sleep when Madam Pomfrey would check on him. It was just before breakfast when Draco gave up of even faking sleep and sat there staring at the ceiling chewing lightly on the inside of his lower lip. This was not going to end well. Even if he thought he could trust the golden trio not to say anything, which he could not. They no doubt they told that interfering old man they call a headmaster what they saw. This would reach his father's ears. Depending on by whom and why will be the only determining factors between a sever beating and ending his cowardly life.

Draco lightly traced the scars on his arm as he worried. He started with the ones closer to the elbow and worked his way down. He paused on one just above the wrist. A dark thought started to creep across his brain. Sure he's thought of it before. But just flashes he quickly pushed away. He didn't want to die. Not really, there was a small part of him that yearned for the release, the promise of peace it would offer. But when it came down to it he wanted to live. Even if it was a coward's life.

But now, right now, when it looked like life wouldn't be a choice for him. No not after his father was through with him. A inky voice whispered in his head. If he had to die. Why not it be his own way. By his own choice.... by his own hand.

Draco shot up strait in bed. No, this is crazy... his palms began to sweat with anticipation. He battled with the voice. Things were not as bad as they seemed. They were Gryffindors, they already knew his father was a scary guy. They probably had no idea what it was they saw....

Just then the infirmary doors opened. In walked McGonagall and her golden trio. Not wanting to be at a disadvantage Draco quickly got out of bed and faced them all head on. With the exception of McGonagall, the others looked anywhere but Draco. McGonagall cleared her throat to get Draco's attention.. Draco swung his calculating stare from the three Gryffindors to their head of house. "It has come to our attention what occurred last night in the DADA room. Along with their punishment I believe They have something to say to you."

Still none of the three looked at him. Potter looked off over head while Granger hid behind her hair. And Weasley found his shoes absolutely fascinating. McGonagall cleared her throat at which three voices whispered sorry. Draco sneered at their pathetic excuse for an apology, "Oh, yes. All better now. The Wonder-dors are sorry."

"There is no need to be rude Mr Malfoy" McGonagall chastised.

Normally Draco would back down from a teacher but the words flew from his mouth before he could stop them. "Oh yes because their words were so heart felt and were given completely of their own free will."

McGonagall looked at loss for words for a moment but quickly recovered and was about to respond accordingly when Ron cut her off, "It's more then we ever got from you! You bastard! Your right I'm not sorry. You deserve everything you get! Hopefully next time it won't be a boggart!"

Hermione head shot up, "Ronald Weasley! How can you say such a despicable thing!"

Draco was about to yell at the mudblood for having the gall to defend him when he saw the tear streaks and red eyes, Had she been crying over him? No, those tears had to be for herself and her friends...

If that didn't bowl him over the next words he heard did, "I meant it." Draco eyes flew to Potter, "I am sorry Malfoy. What we did wasn't right." Potter locked eyes with him. In them he saw an understanding. But how? How could Potter possibly understand?

Confused Draco lashed out, "I don't need your pity Potter! You really sorry? Keep what you seen to yourself!" Potter nodded.

By that time he noticed Hermione and Ron arguing and McGonagall called out, "ENOUGH! You came and said what needed to be said, go to breakfast." The trio headed to the door. "Mr Malfoy Mrs Pomfrey told me you should be ok to go after she gives you a once over. Since you've yet to have breakfast and need to still get ready for the day I will excuse you from your first class." She then turned and left only then did he notice someone lingered behind.

With an exasperated sigh, "What do you want Granger?!"

"What Ron said was wrong."

Draco rolled his eyes he looked completely unconcerned. "Don't worry over it Granger. Hell will freeze over before I suffer over the words of any Weasley. Now if you don't mind charity hour is over, I have a life to get on with, you should look in to getting one yourself." he started straitening his clothes as he tapped his foot impatiently. Where was that blasted nurse?!

Hermione spoke softly concern filled her words, "You should tell someone."

Draco froze. His face completely devoid of any hint of emotion as his mind raced for a response. Deciding to feign ignorance was the best way to go Draco slipped on his best sneer. "I have no idea what you are babbling about nor do I care. Now if you will stop pressing your moodblood presence on me I would like to get on with getting checked out."

Hermione frowned and opened her mouth but Draco cut her off, "Haven't you and your house mates put me through enough?! Leave me be!"

Not one to be turned away easily Hermione pressed forward, "Ron may not understand what we saw in that classroom but I do. I think Harry does too. But he thinks we should leave it be. But I think you need help." If looks could kill she would be dead ten times over but still she pushed, "Mal-Draco ...Does your father.... hurt you?"

Her words cut through his mask like a hot knife through butter. Why couldn't she let this go! It wasn't like he was a friend! He was her enemy she should be glad for any suffering he incurred. Stupid Gryffindors out to save the world! He was a Malfoy! Malfoy's do not get saved! They are who others get saved from! "Listen you stupid little mudblood. I don't know what you think you know. My father loves me. Anything he does is to make me into what I need to be to lead my family one day. I know muggles cringe at the first sign of discipline but this is not the muggle world Wizards do things differently. My father is well within his rights to discipline me how he sees fit! So shut your bloody mouth before I forget where we are and shut it for you!" Draco held up his wand his hands shaking with rage.

Realizing she overstepped her boundaries Hermione took a step back. She would have left without another word if not for what she saw. Beyond the anger and denial a desperation flashed through the boy's eyes as he fought to regain his control. Unfortunately this caused the next words to slip from her lips before she could stop them, "There is a difference between discipline and instilling fear. Whether you admit it or not."

That was it Draco snapped, but instead of sending off a curse he screamed at the top of his lungs putting every bit of rage and every other emotion behind his words, "GET OUT!!!" Hermione shot out the door and Draco picked up the nearest chair and threw it at the door the girl disappeared out. He released a raging scream as he kicked a nearby wall He continued to scream and kick till his throat was raw and his foot had long ago gone numb with pain. Draco then collapsed against the wall and slowly slid to the floor. I moment later he was hit with a sleeping spell and everything went dark.

*****Suffocation No Breathing*****

Snape and Madam Pomfrey dropped the spell that cloaked them from others in the room. Snape went over and levitated Draco to a nearby bed. Wile Madam Pomfrey did a quick clean up spell to restore order to the room. She was the first to speak. "I was almost concerned he would hex the girl."

"I would have caught it." Snape and her had done this before. Sometimes it does a person good to rage against someone. Snape might not have seen enough to help Draco before but he would do what he can now that he knew. And the first step in these situations is letting them vent some of that bottled up anger. Snape usually took the role of target himself but when it looked like the Granger girl wasn't going to leave without a say they decided to use it. Better she get Draco angry here where they could intervene then later in some deserted corridor.

Snape smirked to himself. If she had any sense of self preservation she sure wouldn't be sticking her nose back in anytime soon. He realized Madam Pomfrey was again speaking to him, "...is a bit raw and his foot is sprained." She did a quick spell, "there that should take care of his foot and his throat should be ok by the time he wakes. I 'll let McGonagall know after further examination I will keep him one more day. And he should be back in class tomorrow."

Snape nodded. The nurse then turned away and headed back to her office. Severus looked down at his godson. With a flick of his wand he removed Draco's shoes along with his outer robes and tie he then placed a blanket over his godson's sleeping form. "Sleep well Draco. I promise I'll be here for you when you need me."

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**A/N** – Another chapter down. I truly hope you are enjoying this fic and I look forward to hearing any thoughts you have about it! Thanks…


	7. I'm Running And I'm Crying

**A/N –** Thank you all for such wonderful responses so far. Here is another chapter beta'ed by the wonderful **Dramionelurver. **

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**I'm Running And I'm Crying**

Draco did not sleep well. His mind haunted by images of his father and what he'd been known to do when 'disappointed,' Draco awoke with a gasp, clawing at his covers. He worked so violently to free his limbs that he fell from the bed. As soon as he hit the floor, he scrambled to the nearest wall, sitting placing his back against it in a protective gesture. Breathing hard, only then did he take the time to look around him.

As he recognized the dimly lit infirmary, he relaxed. Then, a moment later, he choked back a sob that threatened to escape. Pulling his knees to his chest, he let his head fall forward and rest upon them. The images from his dream were still sharp in his mind. He couldn't take it anymore… he just wanted it to end.

Feeling like he couldn't breathe, Draco bolted to his feet and ran out the infirmary doors, not even registering that it was still night out. Nor did he notice that he was barefoot and only wearing his wrinkled black slacks and white dress shirt. He ran out the castle doors and kept running for a while before he stopped, looking wildly around. Then, he heard a voice behind him. "Looks like a lot of choices, but really there aren't any..."

Draco spun around to come face to face with Potter. "What are you doing following me, Potter?" Inside, Draco was trying desperately to shove down his panic and fear so to present Potter with a cold, uncaring face.

Harry shook his head. "I wasn't following you, I was just headed back from my walk and saw you running."

"Oh, I see. You saw me leave the castle and decided to see what evils I was up to?" Draco sneered.

Instead of answering the question, Potter continued with what he'd been saying before. "The front gates are locked, and even if you managed to get one of the boats, the Squid would stop you since there is no adult with you. As for the forest... Well, if you did survive, at some point you would have to go through Centaur territory. Let me tell you, they don't like uninvited guests, even if they are children."

Draco swallowed hard, but tried to look uncaring as he again took in his surroundings. Potter was right: there was nowhere to go. Even if he did get away from Hogwarts, there was nowhere he could go where his father would not find him.

Facing away from Potter, Draco bit his lip. He wanted to scream with the unfairness of it all. He wanted to kick and rage and cry... but he just stood there like stone, holding every emotion tightly within. Releasing his lip when he finally turned back to Potter, his face and eyes were devoid of emotion. More so then ever before. There was absolutely nothing showing: no anger, no cold, nothing. His eyes were hollow and his face was blank. Draco didn't even speak as he brushed by Potter on his way back in to the castle. Returning to his infirmary bed, he lied down and closed his eyes.

*****Nothings All Right, Nothing is Fine*****

Hermione didn't know how to react. True, Malfoy said some awful things to her. But then again, it wasn't anything he hadn't said to her before. And she had been the one being pushy. Did she really think the boy would just spill his guts to her and thank her for caring? That was a bit of stupidity on her part. Even she could admit that to herself.

Still, something deep inside her couldn't just walk away either. Maybe it was the fact that she already had one person in a similar situation that she couldn't help. Sure, as far as she knew Harry's family only went as far as verbal and emotional abuse, but part of her couldn't help but think that sometimes it went farther than that. Not that any abuse wasn't bad enough, but she wouldn't put physical abuse past them from what she'd heard.

Her mind darted back to Malfoy. Yeah, he was an ass of the highest order, but now she thought that maybe there was a reason for it beyond being a spoiled prick. Besides, no one should live in a fear so great they go catatonic because of it. And that fear should _never_ come from one's parent. _No one _deserved something like that.

That was part of the reason she was so irritated with Ron at the moment. Part of her hoped that it was just a case of Ron being too innocent about these kinds of things, that he really didn't understand what it was they were seeing in Malfoy's Boggart. On the other hand, she got tired of trying to explain it to him. In his mind, Malfoy was the enemy and deserved everything bad that could possibly happen to him.

She let out a frustrated sigh right as she felt a hand descend onto her shoulder. She turned to look in to a pair of understanding green eyes and said, "Oh, good morning, Harry. Did you sleep all right?"

"I had a little trouble, so I went for a walk and that seemed to do the trick. And before you start, I was careful. I used my dad's cloak."

Hermione's eyes went from chastising to sympathetic. "You know I just worry about you."

Harry nodded and gave her a quick hug. "I know and I don't thank you enough for it."

Right then, Ron came down the stairs from the boy's dormitories, still looking half asleep. Hermione and Harry rolled their eyes and shared a snicker over their friend's resistance to awakening. With that, the three of them headed out to the Great Hall. Along the way, they picked up Ginny and Luna from just outside the Ravenclaw territory, where Ginny had spent the night with Luna. Technically, they were not supposed to go into the other houses, but as long as no trouble was caused and no opposite genders shared a room, the teachers didn't enforce the rule that much. As they neared the large doors, Ron grew more awake, his stomach growling.

As they were talking, they almost ran into another group coming around the corner from the dungeons. To their disgust, it was Malfoy and his goons, Goyle and Crabbe, along with Parkinson and Zabini. The two groups merely looked at each other, waiting for their 'leaders' to start their normal verbal sparring.

But Harry said nothing, and neither did Draco. Instead, Draco just stepped around the group and kept walking towards the Great Hall like nothing was amiss. The others in his group watched him in shock for a moment before quickly following him. Ron looked really confused.

"Did I miss something?" he asked. "That was bloody Malfoy, right?"

Harry didn't say anything as he continued on his way, leaving the rest to follow. They entered the Great Hall and sat at their usual spots at the Gryffindor table as Luna headed over to her fellow Ravenclaws. Hermione peeked over at the Slytherin table, seeing something that made her catch her breath. There was Draco, sitting there laughing and chatting with his fellow Slytherins. Of course, that wasn't what was so unusual. What had caught her eye that instead of his trademark smirk, his face held a genuine smile. She looked at the other Slytherins to note that some looked as puzzled as she was. Blaise looked rather upset until he noticed that he was being watched. Like someone flicked a switch, his face went blank and he raised his eyebrow to Hermione, as if asking her if she wanted something. It was a look all Slytherins seem to get down by the end of their first year that somehow seemed to make the person looking at them feel like they had no right to be doing so, which was partly why Hermione's eyes flew to her plate.

She then looked at the people around her. Ron was stuffing his face while talking with a full mouth to his sister and Seamus, neither of whom seemed dazed by this. Neville was talking with Dean, and Harry was looking at his plate. But every so often, his eyes would flick up and look across the room. She followed the direction in which they headed and saw that he had picked up on Malfoy's strange behavior, too. Unfortunately, his face remained neutral, so she couldn't tell what he thought about it.

All too soon, Draco rose with his entourage to head to class, leaving her to ponder exactly what she saw until they too left for class. The entire day was surreal. Luckily, since they didn't have Potions or DADA that day, their classes together were minimal, but during the classes that they did have with the Slytherins, not once did Draco search out for conflict. He just stayed surrounded by his friends, chatting like any other person in any other group. Even at lunch, they were ignored in favor of joking and laughing with his fellow house mates. All day, he acted like the Gryffindors didn't even exist. And to add to the strangeness of the day's events, when she had flicked a glance to the Slytherin head of house she thought she saw a look of worry flash across the man's face right before it became a calculatingly blank stare once again.

Later that day, Hermione had the last period before dinner free. So, being herself, she decided to spend it in the library. Although she did feel pained knowing her restricted section privileges were revoked, she knew it would be quieter here than in the common room where the guys decided to spend their time playing Exploding Snap. Instead of laying the book flat on the table like she usually did, she propped up the large tomb to block her sight of the Restricted Section, hoping for that old saying – out of sight, out of mind – to do its magic. Due to the size of this particular book, the site was hidden rather well. However, this also meant that she did not know that Pansy and Millicent set up their study area at a nearby table until she heard Blaise speak to Pansy as he approached.

"We have to do something about Draco," he remarked, his voice showing that he was clearly upset.

Pansy frowned. "What do you mean? There is nothing wrong with him."

Blaise frowned in turn, responding, "Yes, there is! Haven't you seen the changes in him since he got back from the infirmary? Surely you're not that clueless. He's acting like Sheridan did before he..."

"Don't!" Pansy cut him off. "Don't even suggest that Draco is as weak as that pathetic brother of yours was!"

"Pathetic?! Why..." Blaise whipped out his wand and cast a curse so quick that Pansy had no chance to block it or even move out of the way. Hit with the light, where Pansy once sat now stood a little pug. It started barking and growling up a storm, but Zabini just smirked at it.

"Well, Pansy," he drawled. "Now you have a reason to act like a bitch." The smirk slipped off as he became deadly serious. "If you ever insult my brother again, I will make sure you're eating doggy kibble for the rest of your pathetic life!"

With a flick of his wand Pansy was back to her normal state. He then flicked his eyes to Millicent before returning them to Pansy. "If either of you cared about Draco at all, you may want to get your heads out of the ground and face reality before we're attending our friend's funeral!" With that, Blaise stormed out of the Library.

Hermione had waited until Pansy and Millicent left before coming out behind her book. She checked the time and discovered it was already time for dinner. Leaving for the Great Hall, she walked slowly as she mentally went over what she heard in the Library. Surely Zabini couldn't be right. Draco would never... She walked in to find Harry and Ron already there, well on the way to filling up their plates. She slipped into an empty seat beside Harry and greeted them, but her eyes were focused elsewhere. Just as before, Draco started out joyful and smiling, but as dinner wore on he got quieter and quieter, seemingly retreating into his own thoughts. Finally, he whispered something to his fellow Slytherins before rising. As he left the room alone, several pairs of worried eyes followed him.

Hermione went back to her common room after dinner and sat with a book on her lap as Harry and Ron started a game of chess. As the evening wore on, she was still on the same page she had been on when sitting down. For some reason, she couldn't get her mind off of Draco and what she had heard in the Library. Finally, the boys announced they were headed to bed. Before Harry could disappear, she grabbed his arm.

"Harry, I... I need to borrow something and I need you to lend it to me without asking any questions."

Before she could say anything else, Harry pulled out a folded parchment from his back pocket and handed it to her. "I've been watching all day. Maybe we're wrong..."

She should have known Harry would piece this together. Not only was he more insightful than many gave him credit for, but he also understood some things others couldn't begin to imagine. That part made her worry a bit. He must have seen the worry in her eyes, because he gave her a heartfelt smile. "I could never leave you and Ron behind. Besides, I have a whole world counting on me."

She hugged him tightly, whispering, "You know if it ever becomes too much, I'm here to share the burden... if you'll let me."

Harry hugged her back just as hard. "I know," he whispered back. Then, as pulled away, he said, "Oh! Before you go! Wait here!" He disappeared up stairs for a few moments, returning with his invisibility cloak in hand. "Take this if you... well, you may just find you need it."

Hermione nodded and thanked him. She watched Harry go back up to his dormitory before she opened the parchment. Pulling out her wand, she tapped it, mumbling, "I solemnly swear I'm up to no good."

As soon as the ink appeared, she searched the map until she found what she was looking for: there was Malfoy, safe and sound in his dormitory with all his roommates around him. Relieved, she went back to her book.

Next thing she remembered, she was waking up as the book tumbled from her lap and smacked on the floor. She quickly checked the time, and to her alarm, 3 hours had passed! She looked at the map, and groaned out loud. Draco was gone. She searched frantically until she found him in an abandoned classroom deep within the dungeons. Slipping on the invisibility cloak, she quickly made her way there.

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**A/N –** I'm sorry about the cliffie but it really was the best place to end it. But I'll make you a deal; the next chapter is already written and ready to go. I usually wait five days between postings but if I get nine reviews before the five days I will put up the next chapter as soon as I get the ninth review, even if it's the same day! I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I'm not sure how it was going to be received so please let me know what you think. Thanks…


	8. If I Took My Life Tonight

**A/N –** Wow you guys did it! So here is your reward! Another chapter polished to a shine by my beta **Dramionelurver. **Enjoy!

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**If I Took My Life Tonight**

Draco was drunk, _very_ drunk. He took all the liquor he had stashed and even some of his house mate's stashes, in which he left a considerable amount of gallons as compensation. It wasn't like he would be needing them anytime soon. Surrounded by the bottles that layered his blanket he had laid upon the floor, wearing only a pair of slacks and his white, button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled up above the elbow, the haunting expanse of the dark, empty room wasn't his only companion; on a small nearby desk sat his black cherry wood box. The rest of the desks in the room were stacked to create a wall that would shield him from view if someone got passed his wards and just walked in. He wanted to be by himself every second of the way so he could be sure the job was done.

Polishing off yet another bottle of fire-whiskey, Draco tossed it aside. As he reached for a full bottle, he could have sworn he heard the click of the door opening. Immediately, he froze, listening with every drunken fiber of his being, and heard it gently close. He struggled to his feet so he could see who had not only made it through his carefully constructed wards, but decided to crash his little party, but he saw no one.

"Stupid old castle making freak noises..." He swayed on his feet as he fought with the bottle to remove its top. "Bloody uncooperative bottle!" he yelled in frustration, but just as he spoke, the lid popped off. He held the bottle up in triumph, a drunken grin on his face. "Ah-ha! I win again!" Giving a chuckle at his own joke, he tipped the bottle up, chugging as much as he could before the burn of the liquid became intolerable. The more he drank, the longer his chugs got.

Half way through the bottle, he stumbled over to the small desk holding his cherry wood box. He ran his fingers over it gently before opening it and removing the silk cloth, showing off his beautiful dragon dagger. Then, just behind his shoulder, there was an audible gasp, followed someone exclaiming, "Oh, Malfoy!" Whipping around, he still saw nobody, but this time he pulled out his wand.

"Who is there?!" he demanded. Then, before very his eyes, a head appeared, the face that had been haunting his dreams since last summer was before him. Draco's expression slowly slid from shocked horror to sadness. "It's you..." he managed, his voice barely a whisper.

The figure just stared back at him. Draco looked away and as if he just remembered he was holding it, he held up the bottle of fire whiskey. "I'd offer you some but you're dead...." With that, he took a deep drink. Then he simply stood there again.

All of the sudden, he began speaking again. "I know why you're here. You want to make sure I do it... Don't worry, you'll get your revenge." He turned back to the dagger and picked it up. Turning back to the apparition, Draco started laughing. "You know what the funny thing is though? What will piss him off the most? Trying to convince my loving mother to risk her figure again for another heir." Draco chuckled again and took another swig, but as he lowered the bottle, his cheeks were wet with tears.

Draco leaned against the wall to hold himself up, the dagger dangling in one hand as the other gripped onto the bottle. Every now and then, a tear would trek down his face. When he felt a light touch on his arm, he looked up with blurry eyes to see that the apparition was now wearing Hogwarts robes. Wait, that's not right... and she was touching him... and that voice, he knew that voice, Draco's eyes turned cold as he jerked away from her touch. "Granger! What the bloody hell?!"

Draco stumbled away from her. She tried to reason with him, but his mind was too blurred to pick up more than a few words. "Help me? You stupid, little mudblood... there is no helping me. Why don't you take a lesson from the weasel and be glad I will be gone!"

As she moved towards him, he threw the bottle, just missing her head. "Leave me alone or so help me I'll take you with me!" And with angry force, he pulled the blade across his forearm, making another cut to emphasize each word. "GET... OUT.... NOW!"

Then his head began to spin. He stumbled back to the wall, trying to find balance as he slowly slid down along the wall. He knew he had precious little time. Gripping the dagger now slippery with his own blood, he pulled the blade along his wrist. He let out a moan of pain as his head began to throb and spin faster. Forcing himself to move to his other wrist, he pulled it along the flesh until the dagger slipped from his hand and clattered to the floor. His body was wracked with shivers. How did it become so cold in here? His vision got dark around the edges. As his eyes slipped shut, he was sure he heard someone yelling his name. As everything went blissfully black, Draco released a contented sigh.

*****Do You Even Care If I Die Bleeding*****

Hermione wasn't very surprised to find the door warded, nor that she found had some well beyond their grade. Luckily, she had no qualms about learning curriculum that was advanced for her level of schooling. It took a bit of work, but she eventually got through the wards. She then quietly opened the door. Peeking inside, she didn't see anyone, so she slipped in and quickly and quietly shut the door.

Turning back, she saw Draco's head pop out from behind a stack of desks. From the sway of his stance, he was obviously very intoxicated. From the count of bottles empty to full, he was beyond pissed and planned to get even more so. Of everything she thought she was going to see, this was not it, which is why she watched in shock as Draco struggled to open the bottle he held. Between him cursing the bottle and his triumph over it, Hermione would normally be holding back laughter, but something told her this wasn't right. Something bad was brewing. How right she was when Draco walked over to a box and pulled out a sharp, silver dagger.

Gasping, his name slipped from her lips. Blaise was right. He was going to hurt himself. She realized too late that she had spoken out loud. Draco spun around, holding his wand out. Hoping to talk him away from the blade, she lowered the hood. She found her words caught as the same look of horror she saw on Draco's face that day in the corridors washed over his face again. Then, just like that, it turned mournful as he whispered what sounded like 'it's you' before turning away.

Again getting ready to speak, she was cut off by Draco's next words. "I'd offer you some but you're dead...." Feeling her alarms go up, she began to back away, not that Draco seemed to notice. He continued speaking. "I know why you're here. You want to make sure I do it... Don't worry, you'll get your revenge."

Hermione shook her head rapidly in denial, but before she could protest, he picked up the dagger and Hermione's breath got caught in her throat. She jumped when he began to laugh. "You know the funny thing is though? What will piss him off the most? Trying to convince my loving mother to risk her figure again for another heir." Letting out another chuckle – this one sounding more bitter than humored – he took a swig off the bottle he held. As he lowered the bottle, she saw the tears running down his cheeks and Hermione's heart went out to him.

As he went to lean against the wall for support, she dropped the rest of Harry's cloak, making the rest of her visible. Hermione then slowly approached Draco and when close enough, she laid a soft hand on his arm. "Ma-Draco... It will be okay. Just let me have the dagger."

At first Draco looked at her in blurred confusion, then his eyes filled with a bitter coldness. "Granger! What the bloody hell?!"

As Draco moved out of reach of her touch, Hermione felt his mood shift to anger. Quickly she tried to calm him down. "Relax, Draco. I'm only here to help you. Please... give me the dagger, let me help you."

Draco just snarled at her as he swayed with intoxication. ""Help me? You stupid, little mudblood... there is no helping me. Why don't you take a lesson from the weasel and be glad I will be gone!" She shook her head in denial to his words and took a step forward. However, this only served to anger Draco further, as her threw the bottle at her, just missing her head.

At the show of violence, she backed down and stepped away, but that was no longer enough for Draco. "Leave me alone or so help me I'll take you with me!" he screamed, holding the dagger firmly in front of himself. She backed off further, moving slowly so as not to provoke him. But obviously the slowness of her departure only served to anger him more; he held out his opposite arm from the one that held the dagger and, as if to show her she would not be stopping him, slashed into his arm. "GET!" He slashed his arm again. "OUT!" And a third time. "NOW!"

By the third slash, she was running out the door. She needed to get help! Rounding the corner, she ran into something solid. Stepping back, she looked in to the eyes of the most feared teacher at Hogwarts. "Miss Granger! 50 points from Gryffindor for being out..."

"Oh, do shut up!" Hermione yelled. Already frantic with worry, she didn't even register that she'd just not only spoken back to a teacher but the last teacher anyone, with the exception of Harry, would ever speak back to! It must have shocked Snape because he did indeed stop talking, So Hermione continued. "If we don't hurry, Draco is going to die!" She grabbed onto Snape's sleeve and pulled him along as she spoke. "He was drunk and he had this dagger... I tried to stop him, but he kept cutting himself... I couldn't stop him!"

As they reached the door, Snape pulled his arm loose and pushed past Hermione to see Draco sitting by the wall, the dagger bloodied on the floor next to him. "Draco!" Snape called, his voice full of more worry than she'd ever heard come from him. "Draco!" He reached down to him. Lifting each arm, Snape did a quick spell before lifting the boy into his arms. Not even taking the time to acknowledge Hermione, he ran from the room. Hermione watched him leave, knowing she did everything she could.

Her own knees giving out from under her, she sank to the floor. Next to her was an unopened bottle of fire whiskey. Removing the top, she took a sturdy swig. Sputtering afterward at the strength of the liquid, she did feel the calming effects of the liquor. In a half daze, she pulled out her wand and began to clean the room, vanishing the bottles and blood from the floor. Seeing the dagger, she gently picked it up and looked at the blood-stained silver. With a shudder, she grabbed the silk cloth and wrapped it around the dagger and placed it back into the wooden box. Not knowing what to do with it, she figured giving it back to Draco was a bad idea, at least right now. So, she took it with her.

Picking up Harry's cloak, she made her way back to Gryffindor tower, knowing she wouldn't get anything from Snape or Madam Pomfrey about Draco's condition tonight.

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**A/N –** I hope you enjoyed this latest installment. Please review and let me know what you thought about it! Thanks!


	9. Mutilation Outta Sight

**A/N -** Well, here we are. The last chapter! I would like to thank my beta **Dramionelurver, **for taking the time to polish up my mistakes. Originally this was two really short chapters, but I decided it was better to put them together in one long chapter. I hope you agree.

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**Mutilation Outta Sight**

Snape's heart nearly stopped at the sight of Draco crumpled against the wall, surrounded by his own blood. When he saw the consciousness slipping from the boy, he tried to get his attention, but there was no response. Snape quickly charmed the cuts to stop the blood flow, which was the best he could do himself. He needed to get Draco to the infirmary. As he reached to lift the boy into his arms, he heard the contented sigh come from the boy's lips. _'NO!'_ his mind screamed to Draco. _'Hold on! Don't let go! You're stronger than you think!'_ For the first time since being a student himself, Severus ran full speed through the halls of Hogwarts. He didn't slow until he reached the infirmary doors.

"POMFERY!" he yelled as he entered the infirmary. The nurse rushed out from her office. Taking one look at Snape and the student in his arms, she pointed to the nearest bed and demanded Snape set the boy down. Moving quickly to do as he was told, he stepped only far enough away to make room for the nurse.

Madam Pomfrey's first concern was stopping the blood flow by closing the incisions. Her second concern was replacing the lost blood. First, she did two spells: one vanished the alcohol from the patient's system since it would work against the Blood Replenishing potion; the second would rehydrate the fluids his body lost from the excess volume of alcohol in the system. Next, as the patient was unconscious, she had to charm the Blood Replenishing potion into his stomach. She then checked for any damaged nerves. Doing what she could, she finally stopped working. "I've done everything I can for now. I can't guarantee that he has no nerve damage until he is awake."

Madam Pomfrey then levitated the sleeping boy to one of the special rooms set aside for patients that needed to be monitored. Severus followed, not wanting to be very far from his godson. As she laid Draco gently down on the bed and pulled the covers over him, she spoke softly so not to disturb her patient. "These cases always bother me. How can someone so young be in so much pain and no one see it?" Severus could see she was thinking of all the times during Draco's first two years when young Mr. Malfoy had come into the infirmary demanding attention over the slightest things. He stopped after the end of second year after Madam Pomfrey suggested talking to his parents about his delicate health.

Severus remembered her talking to him about it, and just like her, Severus was fooled by Draco's normally arrogant attitude and figured the boy was just looking for ways out of class, even though he maintained such good marks. Now it is obvious that he was looking for something he lacked at home: caring attention.

Severus sat down on a lone seat by the bed as Madam Pomfrey bustled out of the room to attend to her other patients. Severus rubbed his face tiredly. And for the hundredth time since this all started, he wondered how he could have missed his godson's suffering.

Severus spent the whole night going over the years, looking for all those hints he missed the first time around, the whole time swearing to himself he would do better now that he knew. His godson no longer had to suffer alone. Severus knew what it was like growing up with no one to trust, especially the adults. He would be damned if his godson would suffer the same fate, even if Severus had to be that lone confidant. Nothing, not even this war, would stop him.

*****Loosing My Sight Loosing My Mind*****

About an hour before breakfast would be served for the earliest of risers, Severus was shot into wakefulness by soft steps approaching the door. Since it was between times for Madam Pomfrey's rounds and the steps sounded off, he opened the door as the person approached it, causing the person to jump.

"Care to tell me what you are doing here, Miss Granger?" He put on his best 'you better have a good excuse for disturbing me' face.

Hermione had her head bowed, hiding her face behind her bushy hair. As she fiddled nervously with her robe, she mumbled, "I...I c-came to see if Draco was all right..."

Severus didn't know whether to be irritated that she was again sticking her nose where it wasn't wanted or amused by the fact that he'd never seen the little know-it-all so lacking in confidence. "What makes you think he would be?" he said, playing with the girl. Hermione went sickly white. For a moment, he feared for the cleanliness of his shoes. "Calm down, you silly girl. He will live. Physically, as far as we can tell, he will be fine."

Color came back to her face as she nodded. "I-I cleaned up the classroom... I figured he wouldn't want to... and if he needs any notes for class..."

"I'm sure he will get them from his friends." Hermione looked up in shock at his words, but then again she started nodding like her head was on a damn spring. "Look, you've done enough. You can rest knowing your Gryffindor morals are intact..."

Hermione's head shot up again, but this time an angry fire burned in her eyes. "It's not about me! I owe Draco. What...What we did.... The other two tend not to think before they act but _**I**_should have known better! But no, I let them go through with it and in doing so acted no better than a common bully! And this happened!" She held out her hands in front of her for emphasis, struggling not to let the tears fall.

"Merlin, you Gryffindors have some egos. _T__**his**_was happening long before your little prank. Don't think you made such an impact on Mr. Malfoy's life..."

Hermione shook her head. "You don't get it! This may have never happened, or ended up happening anyway a year from now. The fact remains it did happen now and it happened because of what we did. I can't speak for the others, but I know when I'm wrong. I owe Draco. I helped put him in a spot that made him think this was his only option…" Pushed past her weak efforts, the tears were running down Hermione's face in full force. "I wish I could take it back... but I can't. But maybe I can make up for it, or keep trying until I do."

Severus stared at the girl for a moment. Part of him wanted to yell at her to stop this idiotic display of emotions, that there was no making up for what she did. But another part of him reminded him that Draco would be dead now if not for this girl. He knew his tormentors never felt any guilt over what they did to him, but the darkness in his heart told him her sympathies were more for herself than his godson. So he decided to test this, remarking, "Some people would say you already made up for it by saving his life."

Hermione frowned, responding, "Then some people are wrong. All I did was run for help after it finally got through my thick skull I was in over my head. If I really wanted to help Draco, I should have told someone when I first thought he might do this. Then, maybe... Look, I know as far as you're concerned, this is about me feeling better about myself. Well, you can forget that. There is nothing that will make what I did okay in my mind. This is about Draco and the peace of mind I owe him. I took away something from him that night; I could see that the next day. I... I just want to give it back if I can..."

Severus pursed his lips. After a moment of contemplation, he spoke. "If this is really about Draco like you say, then you need to back off. Give him time to find his balance. Then, if there is anything he desires from you, he will tell you." Granger looked ready to argue. "Believe me, he is Slytherin; if he is owed as you say he is, he will collect when it comes time." Hermione nodded and Severus was once again in Greasy Git mode. "Now get out of here before I give you so many detentions your children's children will be serving them!"

The girl quickly left his presence. Turning back into the room, he saw Draco sitting up in bed, lightly chewing on his lower lip, deep in thought. "You heard all that?"

Draco jumped out of his contemplation and nodded. "Stupid, over-emotional Gryffindors..." he said as he looked away to hide the slight blush on his cheeks. Interesting, the girl's words had some effect on him. Whether it was good or bad was something only time could tell.

Not wanting this to be a conversation between teacher and student, but between Godfather and Godson, Severus took his seat again. "How does your arm and hands feel?"

Draco stretched, then fisted his fingers a few times and rotated his wrists. "Okay, I guess." His eyes went over the newest and most prominent scars on his arm, not realizing why he could see all his scars until Severus spoke.

"We could have those removed..." Draco's head shot up with a panicked look in his eyes. "You never put the glamor back on. Why, Draco? You could have come to me..."

Panic was replaced with anger. "For you to do what? My father is a very powerful man, and is currently the right hand of someone you both.... associate with."

Severus' voice filled with determination. "Draco, if you know anything about me, know this. No matter where my loyalties lie, no matter what vows I make, you, Draco, come first above all else."

"Why?" Draco asked with a strange look in his eyes. "Why should you care? My own parents don't. Why should you?"

This was a question Snape had been asked many times by a Slytherin he'd been helping. Usually he would tell them about the hard time he had in school, no details or anything, just let them know he did it out of understanding what it was like himself to have few or none to turn to. But that wasn't the case with Draco. "Long ago, when you were just a babe, I made a promise to you and to the gods to watch over you and protect you. I know our roles in life don't leave for any type of emotional displays, but I thought my favoring you was obvious. I'm sorry you never knew you could come to me."

Draco sighed, and then put on a superior look. "You're not going start hugging me and crying are you?" He was obviously trying to cut through the tension of the moment.

Letting him, Snape gave a disgusted sneer. "Brat! I'm apologetic... not a Hufflepuff!"

"Good, I don't think I could handle a Hufflepuff version of you." Draco smirked.

Snape stood up and put on his iciest Greasy-Git-of-the-Dungeons persona. "Mr. Malfoy, it would be you sporting Hufflepuff tendencies long before me."

*****Wish Somebody Would Tell Me I'm Fine*****

Draco opened his mouth to argue when Madam Pomfrey came in. "Good, you're up. Has Professor Snape told you what is going to happen now?" Draco shook his head slowly, sensing he was not going to like what was about to be told to him. "Well, Mr. Malfoy, because of the nature of your wounds, it is school policy to take preventive measures so this does not happen again."

Draco frowned. "I know what I did was... well, it won't be happening again. I give you my word as a Malfoy."

Madam Pomfrey shook her head sadly. "I wish it were that simple, Mr. Malfoy. Unfortunately, in cases such as these there is usually a second attempt. Now I'm not saying you will, but for your own safety, we have rules in place. First, you are no long allowed to wander the halls alone. You do not have to tell your friends why you must be accompanied if you so prefer, but you must have someone with you at all times when you are outside your dorm. If you cannot follow this rule, you will have an adult assigned to watch over you in between classes and will be restricted to your dorm room when not in class or at meals. Your dorm room will have monitoring charms put in. These charms just let us know if you attempt to harm yourself." She paused to see if Draco wanted to make comment thus far.

Draco just sat there, his face revealing nothing of his inner thoughts. He simply nodded for the nurse to continue, wanting to hear it all before he made his case.

Not getting the explosion she usually did when informing a patient of such tight restrictions, she went on. "It will not be forever. You will also be receiving counseling. These measures will slowly ease and eventually be retracted as your counselor sees fit. On the same note, they can be replaced by other measures if your counselor deems so. Finally." Her eyes darted nervously to Severus, making Draco suspect she knew more than she should. "We will have to contact your parents."

Draco went sickly pale, his hands that had been lightly sitting on his lap now clutched the covers in a death grip, his mind racing with thoughts of what such news would cost him. Severus reached out what was meant to be a comforting hand only to have Draco flinch away. And here he thought they were trying to keep him from killing himself, not offering incentive to do a better job next time. "Draco," Severus said slowly. "Draco, talk to me... is there a reason we shouldn't tell your parents?"

Draco's eyes snapped to Severus, his eyes full of betrayal. "Is there a reason?!" he repeated, his voice full of disbelief. When did his head of house turn into a moron?!

Severus must have read the words in his tone because, his look turned apologetic. "You have to tell me, Draco, you have to say the words... I can't do anything until you say them."

Draco threw off his covers and stood up a little too fast, causing him to let out a hiss as he found his balance once again. Once he did, he turned to Severus. "I can't! You know I can't!"

"We can protect you," Madam Pomfrey urged.

Draco turned to her with such sadness and destitution in his eyes that it caused her to catch her breath. "No offense, but there is nothing you can do." His eyes swung back to Severus. "Is there?" Part of him was daring Severus to prove him wrong, to tell him it would all be okay.

Severus, unable to lie to him, broke eye contact, "No... not right now, not until you decide where you want to be."

Madam Pomfrey looked stubborn and ready to argue, but then suddenly her resistance deflated and she shook her head. "I haven't made an official report yet. If he follows all the other rules and goes to all his counseling sessions, then we can mark this as an accident..." She looked Draco dead in the eyes. "I've never done this for anyone, will most likely never do it again."

Draco nodded. "I understand. Thank you," he said with complete sincerity. Madam Pomfrey stiffly nodded and left the room.

*****Can't Go On Living This Way*****

Hermione sighed as she adjusted the weight from the stack of books in her arms. She'd gotten a note from Madam Pomfrey during one of her morning classes asking her to come to the infirmary before lunch. She arrived there to have Madam Pomfrey request that she not disclose what happened to Draco to anyone until she was told otherwise by Professor Snape or Madam Pomfrey herself.

As she was hurrying to get to the Great Hall so she could grab something for lunch, her mind was set on recent situations and not on where she was going. Of course, this led to her accidentally clipped someone, causing the top book of her stack to fall to the floor. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, knowing it was going to be tricky to retrieve the book without dropping more.

Before she could do so, she felt the shift of weight as someone placed the book back on the top of her stack. Hermione's eyes popped open, a thank you at the tip of her tongue, but before it could pass her lips, it got caught on her shock.

Standing before her was none other than Draco Malfoy. He pulled his hand away from the book he just picked up and replaced on Hermione's stack, his eyes catching hers he gave a single acknowledging nod. "Granger." Although he had no smile, his eyes held no ill will either, his voice neutral. Saying no more, Draco then went back to Blaise's side and they continued walking as if nothing happened, leaving Hermione to stand there watching till they were out of sight. Only then did she shake her head in an attempt to clear it. "What was that?!" she whispered to herself in awe as she continued on her way to the Great Hall.

THE END.... For Now...

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**A/N -** I really hope you enjoyed reading Last Resort. I know this is kind of a annoying place to end this fic but I was written to end with this scene from the beginning. In fact when I first started writing this was the one scene I had clearly in my head. I knew I wanted to end this here. It will have a Sequel, Breaking The Habit. Of which I might leave a sneak peek of if I get enough interest. So please review!


	10. Breaking the Habit

This will be removed in a few weeks. Just heads up for those who got alerts on this fic hoping for news on the sequel, it's up and called Breaking The Habit. I hope you will continue to enjoy the story.... ~ZLB


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